Samism Number 44

Jack and Sam were in the back seat of the car and Jack was holding onto a Helium Balloon.  He wound down his window and threatened to let it go.


Me: I wouldn't if I were you Jack

Jack: Why, what will happen?

Me: It will suck you out with it.

Sam: It will be a fun ride to Hell.

Samism Number 43

Sam has been making me dinners (imaginary ones).

He presented me with a plate and I asked him what we I was about to eat.

Sam  "It's a slice with nutrigrain, peas and nuts.  Not the kind of nuts from here (points to his crotch), but the ones in the cupboard.

Phew

Samism Number 42

Driving home tonight, I asked Maddison if she was cold.  She replied with a no.

Sam:  "That's because she's got insulation".

Samism Number 41

Phil told us all over the dinner table that he had brought home the ball from his cricket match today.

Sam:  "What's that for - to knock us out?

Samism Number 40

Driving to school this morning, Jack, the 3yo asked me if Dad could pick him up from Kindy, to which I replied "No, he doesn't have a baby seat in his work car".

I then asked Sam what his dads car was like when he go a ride home a few weeks back.

Sam: "A junkyard"

Samism Number 39

Sams dad and Jack were wrestling on the floor when, as per usual, there was an incident and Jack was the one crying. Jack turned on his father and said

"I'm going to get you back dad"

Sam casually sauntered past and said to Jack

"Just taser him"

Samism Number 38

We were leaving school on Friday when we (Me Sam and Jack) were waiting at a red light and an ambulance came through with sirens.

No-one said much. Then Sam said


"There are only three reasons that ambo would be have it's lights on, Number 1, the kid has broken both his legs, Two, he ate a peanut and puffed up like a blowfish or three, he had too much fizzy drink and collapsed"

Samism Number 37

Sam, lounging on the couch while his brother ate some chicken in rice in a highchair in front of the TV. His brother dropped a piece of chicken on the ground. 3yo asked Sam to pick up his chicken for him.

Sam: "I'm not your slave Jack"

Samism Number 36

Watching a story on 60 minutes about the lady who is receiving a 2nd liver transplant, after already being given one and then returnig to heroin, Sam had some questions.

1. Are people's eyes normally green?

2. If you take drugs, do you die?

3. Do I have an organ? In my stomach? Can I play it?

Samism Number 35

Sam: "Mum, you really are a great mum"

Me: "I wasn't so great yesterday when I breathed in your face"

Sam: "Oh that's right, it smelt like, what's the word for it again? That's right, a sewer"

Samism Number 34

After surgery yesterday, Sam wanted some eclipse mints (his favourite). Usually he breathes in my face to show me how "refreshing" they are. He gave me one and I breathed in his face (as he requested)

Sam: "Eww, that stinks, I can still smell your old breath behind it.

Note to self - brush more.

Samism Number 33

Today we had to meet with the pre-admission doctor to get ready for Sam's operation on Tuesday to remove the wires in his broken arm. The doctor asked me a series of questions before turning to Sam and saying:

Doctor: "Now Sam, I have a very important question for you that I have to ask every patient. Do you Smoke?" He chuckles.

Sam: (Totally straight faced) "Not anymore"

Doctor: "Not anymore?"

Sam: "Nope, as far as I'm concerned, now they're the devil in disguise"

Samism Number 32

Following on from yesterdays Samism, I told Jack, the 3 year old, I would drop him off somewhere.

Sam: "Drop him off at Mike and Julies" (Our neighbours)

Me: "No, it's nice there, if he doesn't stop it, I'll be dropping him somewhere not fun"

Sam: "Drop him off at Woodridge then"

PS - I have never said a bad word about Woodridge so clearly he has picked this up from the news? Or school?

Samsim Number 31

I picked up the two boys from school. Almost immediately they started arguing. I turned to them and said:

"Keep it up and I'll stop this car and you boys can walk home"

Jack, the three year old asked me to stop the car at the next red light so he could get out and start walking.

Sam: "You're not a brainiac are you Mum?"

Samism Number 30

I took Sam to Max Brenners (chocolate shop of Awesome) today after being discharged from the hospital. We walked in the door and Sam's first words?

"We've hit the motherload"

Samism Number 29

Sam: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Me: "I don't know, what are you thinking?"

Sam: "I'm thinking of a way to blow this popstand (hospital)"

Samism Number 28

Sam was getting his arms taped up to have a bath at the hospital.

Sam: (pointing to the nurses stickytape) "Oh wow, you have stickytape from the good old days!"

Nurse: "Really?"

Sam: "Yeah, that one is from 1995"

Samism Number 27

The Doctor is inserting a needle into Sams arm for about the 5th time that day - this time with no numbing cream. After much crying he turns to the doctor and says

"You are go to regret this"

Doctor: "I already do mate"

Sam: "Just promise me you will stop this hideousness"

Samism Number 26

Sam: "Mum, you are the best mother I've ever had"

Me: "As opposed to all the other ones?"

Sam: "What are you talking about?"

Samism Number 25

Sam: "Mum, I think I know why I go berserk on frozen coke"

Me: "Why is that?"

Sam: "Because it contains 138 pieces of sugar"

Samism Number 24

Me: "I'm so glad you're home and not in the hospital anymore"

Sam: "Me three"

Samism Number 23

Sam broke his arm yesterday - fell off the Monkey Bars. Of course there were Samisms - Many, but this one stands out the most.

We were discussing his operation and the fact he would be asleep when they did it.

Sam: "How will they put me to sleep?"

Me: "They will give you some drugs"

Sam: "No! You keep telling me to study hard and stay off drugs and then you change your mind?"

Samism Number 22

Sam: "Mum, so a bazooka is a gun you wear on your shoulder"

Samism Number 21

Sam: "So Mum, when we collect all of these Discovery Channel DVD's we win the lotto?

Me: "No"

Samism Number 20

Sam: "So Mum. A typhoon is a Japanese Hurricane, correct?"

Samism Number 19

Sam: "Mum, do you know what I wish was real?"

Me: "No What?"

Sam: "Apple Ipod City, so I could listen to Have a Little Faith in Us on my Ipod all day long"

Samism Number 18

Sam: "What are all those spots on the ceiling?"

He is pointing at the ceiling of my car.

Me: "Probably some sort of coffee mishap"

Half a minute later Sam starts to sing to the Spiderman theme "Spiderpig, spiderpig, does whatever a spiderpig does"

Samism Number 17

Sam: "Mum, want to play an emotional game with me?"

Me: "Yeah I suppose, how do we play it?"

Sam: "We need a grater and an onion. Then we grate them near each other eyes and see who cries first"

Samism Number 16

Today we went down to the beach where Sam came across a new Seabush

Sam: "Oh my god Mum, since I last saw him, Seabushy has become a tween"

Me: "How can you tell?"

Sam: "His attitude"

Seabushy is now in a container, in water, over our kitchen sink".

See below for explanation of a seabush.

Samism Number 15

Sam: "Is mamasaymamasarmmmumfordson a rude word?"

Me: "No"

Sam: "Good"

Then walks off singing - Please don't stop the music, music, music, music mamasaymamasarmmmumfordson mamasaymamasarmmmumfordson"

Samism Number 14

Jack had his cast removed and the doctor was checking his wrists for any pain.

Sam: "For crying out loud doc, don't give him a chinese burn, he's just had broken arms"

Samism Number 13

Sam shouting (out of breath from running inside with ipod still in ears)

"Mum, is homicide a rude word?"

Me: "No but.."

Sam: "Good" and runs off.

Think maybe I need to nanny cam his room.

Samism Number 12

Jack had managed to get his cast off his broken arm and Phil was trying to get it back on his hand. He said to Jack "If the doctor sees your hand out of your cast he'll be very angry".

Sam: "How Angry?"

Phil: "I don't know, pretty angry"

Sam: "Angry enough to burn our house down?"

Samism Number 11

Sam: "Mum, when I turn into a teenager, I'm changing my name"

Me: "Oh? What to?"

Sam: "Sam Whit Whicki Morley"

Fair Call.

Samism Number 10

Sam to His dad: "You're hideous"

Dad: "Thanks"

Sam: "It's not a compliment"

Samism Number 9

"Mum, do you know why I love Milo so much?"

Me: "No"

"Because of the Omega 3 Content"

Samism Number 8

10 Year old Sister to Sam: "What do I look like with this scarf around my head?"

Sam: "A dog"

Samism Number 7

Sitting in front of the orthopedic doctor yesterday pipes up with (in tune to TikToc)

"Boys trying to touch my junk, junk, gunna smack em if they get too drunk drunk"

Complete with booty shaking.

Samism Number 6

We are standing many stories up in a hospital waiting room. Sam looks out the window and says

"Look at all those gentle giants"

Samism Number 5

"So PC means before Jesus died?"

Samism Number 4

"Mum, one little known fact."

(Produces Seabushy for all to see)

"Sea bushes do not have testicles"

Samism Number 3

"Know what I'm going to name my sea bush?"(seaweed from the ocean).

"Seabushy"

Samism Number 2

"I can't wait for you to go back to work so I can ask you how your day was"

Samism Number 1

"Stud is a short word for Dad"